She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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