A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
