She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize