I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
