you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
