believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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