Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
