Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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