i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
