Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
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Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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