she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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