i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
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There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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