If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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