and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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