just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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