You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize