So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
