I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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