A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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