one might say we're banned from that church
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
