I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
