I wish I could punch you in the face.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
