i just sent this text using only my big toe
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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