im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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