I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
