After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
