He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
