did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
