So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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