my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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