I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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