one might say we're banned from that church
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
