What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
