There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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