Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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