I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
