I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
