distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
