she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
