How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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