even my farts smell like vagina
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
