there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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