One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
