After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
