I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
