My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
