So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
