hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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