Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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