I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
we're making bets on your personal life
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
