Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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