I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
