We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
