you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
