i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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