oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
