Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
