I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
