Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize