I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
