That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
