i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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