I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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