guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
