Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
