i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
