just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
